Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize