i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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