never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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