So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
