Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
