Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
