Apparently you make a good broom.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
