The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
