wakey wakey hands off snakey
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
