I have demons in me.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
