if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
