I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he was CRYING into my vagina
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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