eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I lost the right to judge tonight
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
