Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
