Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
