dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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