She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
