i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize