Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
