But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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