how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
