I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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