Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
