I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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