My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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