You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
