Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
