Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
