life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
