i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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