my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
