i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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