we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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