just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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