My nipple is on Facebook.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my shit smells like andre
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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