Where did you get a picture of my penis
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this just has baby written all over it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
