i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
