We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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