So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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