I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
do herpes really smell.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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