So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
