i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
