youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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