i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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