fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
