The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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