life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
