ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize