He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
