Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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