Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry my hands just texted you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.