I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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