my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I stole a fireplace last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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