If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
