The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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