i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
