everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
