u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
