let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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