You smell like stripper and shame
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
