thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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