im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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