Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
