She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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