tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
