I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
