Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
