When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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