my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
