i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
