the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
