just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
