Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
