I hate your face
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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