i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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