FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
