I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
