Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
