If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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