I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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